Thank You

Thanks to all the ladies who stopped by and those who left comments.  It really makes me smile to know that the inspiring comments are left by woman that I have never met.  Truly kind and truly inspiring!

I am learning each and every day to think of life as a journey rather than a means to an end. 

The last few years have been difficult and I feel like I am ruining the most precious years of my children's lives.  Some of the things are out of my control, while others are ones that I just need to make a decision.  I contemplate too much.  I worry about the pros and cons of each and every decisions that I need to make.

I feel like I am missing what is supposed to be the best years of my life.  The happiest moments.  The days that are supposed to be filled with laughter, yet are filled with tears.

I am trying to change that.  I am trying to change the dynamic of  my family.  I am trying to be hopeful.

I am....simply.....just trying. 

So, my One Little Word project will hopefully keep me on track.  It will be a constant reminder of what I set out to do this year, even if I don't "finish" the assignments.  Even if my "shoulds" are too big.  Even if I do nothing other than try to make things better. 

At least I can't say I didn't do anything.

OLW Blog Hop- What Happened to Action?

In my last post I said I was going to post daily.  My goal was to highlight something that happened each day that brought me joy.  What happened? Why didn't I do it?  I don't know.  I always have great intentions. 

But are my intentions too big?  Do they paralyze me?  Isn't something better than nothing?

I am the type of person who wants to get from point A to point Z without any detours.  I want the end result.  I want the outcome without the journey.  I know this about myself.  I know this is my stumbling block.  Yet, I don't know how to change it.

Actually.  I do.

I know that I should create small goals.

I know that I should do something, rather than nothing.

I know that only I can change this.

So, although I made my nice pretty pages for the month of March and wrote down my actions steps, I didn't follow through.  Yes, we celebrated birthdays, but that isn't anything out of the ordinary.  No,  we never had family night.  I can make excuses and remember why it didn't actually happen, but they are just excuses.

This blog started as a way to "notice" the small things that brought me joy.  Yet, I find myself writing about the things that bother me.  The things that don't bring me joy.  You should see the list of "drafts" under my posts.  They are often raw with emotion and thought, but I don't post them.  Posting them would make them even more real and I don't want them to be my reality anymore.

Hop along to

Jan at

http://mysimplelittlelife.typepad.com/ and read about her journey this month.

If you get lost along the hop, feel free to stop back here and find your way! 

Margie	http://xnomads.typepad.com/blog
Amanda	http://scrappnbee.blogspot.com/
Donna	http://donnabryantdurand.blogspot.com/
Joy	http://www.undiscoveredjoy.blogspot.com/
Jan	http://mysimplelittlelife.typepad.com/
Jamie	http://jmpgirl.blogspot.com/
Nikki	http://www.inkyart.com.au/
Monica B2	http://www.questtoperfectimperfection.blogspot.com/
Cindy	http://seriousplay.typepad.com/
Stacey	http://www.TheAcornGarden.com/blog
Katrina	http://k84mansramblings.blogspot.com/
Rebekah	http://istampscrapcraft.blogspot.com/
Monica	http://scraplifters.blogspot.com/
Chrissy	http://getcraftywithchrissy.blogspot.com/
Jill	http://jillconyers.typepad.com/
Lisa	http://makeyourownescape.blogspot.com/
Kathryn	http://www.katlodesigns.com/
Jennifer	http://www.studiojenn.blogspot.com/
Jen	http://www.byjen.com/
Sam	http://learncreatedo.wordpress.com/
Miranda	http://mirandasscrapsite.blogspot.com/
Lynn	http://www.crafty-creativity.blogspot.com/
Cynthia	http://paperpapereverywhere.blogspot.com/
Cheri A	http://cheriandrews.blogspot.com/
Deb	http://blakleyhomeplace.blogspot.com/
Nicky	http://www.seejanebake.blogspot.com/
Karen D	http://womenontractors.blogspot.com/
Tina	http://ryzmomplus2.typepad.com/my_weblog/
Kimberly	http://foreverdaisies.blogspot.com/
Abbey	http://athomewiththerichardsfamily.blogspot.com/
Julie Ann	http://julieannshahin2.blogspot.com/

I Lost 3/4.

Yes, I lost 3/4.

3/4 of what you ask?

3/4 of a mile.

The other day I discovered something. It is something that I have discovered many time before, but slowly forgot. I discovered that I love the gym.

Yes, I said, it.

I love the gym and that is where I lost 3/4 of a mile.

I started running again in January 2010, but like I do every year, I stop excercising around mid-summer and don't start again until the following year. Yes, I gain weight. Yes, I feel out of shape. Yes, I have done it every year for YEARS!

Today I returned and had so much fun at the gym. Although I love the way excersing makes me feel and there are days that I am in my own little world at the gym, today wasn't one of those days. Today I did some people watching and there was a lot of it!

I started to run and looked to my right and saw a guy in his mid 20's on the elliptical banging his head. Yes, banging his head to his music. It was hysterical. Then I looked to his right and saw a woman dancing on the elliptical. Yes, dancing! I can't even explain it. You had to see it for yourself. I was holding back my smile, because I didn't want to look like some crazy lady smiling while running on the treadmill.

I didn't want to smile, because someone might think I was crazy; yet these people let it all out. They don't care. They aren't self conscience. They do their thing!

Although I don't consider myself self conscience, it is times like these when I discover that I really am. I would never enjoy my music and bang my head or dance like no one was watching in the middle of the gym. I just wouldn't. I wonder if that makes me sane or crazy.

Acting Like Children

Sometimes we do things we shouldn't.

Sometimes we say things we shouldn't.

Sometimes we act exactly the way we tell THEM not to.

We act like children.

Impulsive.

Mouthy.

Not nice.

But what is our excuse? We are adults. We are supposed to know better; at least that is what we tell THEM. Don't touch that. Don't talk to me like that. Be nice to your sister. Think it through before you make a bad choice. Use your manners and talk politely. Don't annoy your brother.

Still, even as an adult I forget these basic principles sometimes. I act impulsive and say things that I later regret. I don't always say please and thank you. And I am not always nice. Still, I hold my children to a high standard and think that they should always do these things. Always think before they act. Always use their manners and talk with respect. Always be nice.

If I can't ALWAYS do it, how can they?

Time Cruncher

I don't like to be late. The thought of being late sends me into a tailspin. Rush. Rush. Rush.

I don't like to be early. It means that I could have done something else in the 15 minutes that I am wasting "sitting" around.

Does that make any sense? Really it doesn't, but it is exactly how I feel and how I create some of my own chaos.

Just the other day my daughter twisted her ankle. The next morning she woke up still complaining. I decided that it was better to be safe than sorry and have it checked. She has an unbelievable pain tolerance, so when she says something hurts - it HURTS.

Did I mention that our pediatrician is about 25 miles away. Sounds kind of crazy, right? I am sure there are very qualified and fantastic doctor's in this "neck of the woods", but when my kid's health and well being is on the line, I am going to the best (in Massachusetts)!

So back to my time crunching. Our appointment was at 10:00. We were early. I was thinking of all the things I could have done at home with those extra 15 minutes. We left with a prognosis of pulled tendon. Prescription - Rest. I drove the 25 miles back home - dropped her off at school at 11:00. My boy child had to be in school at 12:00.

Plenty of time!

I went home. Feed him lunch. Switched laundry. Played the game Trouble with him. Took some self-portraits (I should say tried to take some self-portraits) and then looked at the clock.

My time was up.

We were going to be late! The whole saga began again. Rush. Rush. Rush.

But as usual, we weren't late. We were right on time. So, maybe next time I will be 15 minutes early and just relish in the time to do nothing? Notice the question mark!

My Life Could be a Sitcom

Do you ever feel like your life could be a sitcom? Not just any old sitcom, but a long lasting sitcom? My previous posts have been about noticing the joy - the beauty. After I wrote one of my last posts, I reread some of my older posts and felt that it was a little "heavy" and felt that if anyone is actually reading this blog then I have some explaining to do.

Because you see, I am usually not this serious. I joke. I laugh. I play.

But, I have been married for almost 15 years, which is pretty much for my whole adult life (well almost). I am the mother of 3 children who are 11, almost 9, and 6. So basically for the last 15 years they have been my priority. They have been my joy, my sorrow, but mostly my laughter. There have been days that I had to laugh, because I would have cried. There have been days that I have cried. But there have been more times that I thought, I could write a book. My day to day life is funny. I usually laugh at the situations in my life (usually). The past year has been a difficult one and in addition to losing my way, my sitcom has been on hiatus.

When my friend made the comment that I should write a blog, it was because of a sitcom moment. I was laughing. I was carrying on with my antics. She was laughing. So when I refer to noticing and finding my joy, I am also reminding myself that I miss laughing at my sitcom. Hopefully some of the episodes will be on repeat and I will be able to share them with you.

Share the laughter.

Share my sitcom!

I wonder if CBS or ABC are looking for a new one!

Noticing

Have you ever read the book Magic 1, 2, 3? Do you remember the part that talks about Sloppy PVF (Positive Verbal Feedback). Fluff. Appreciation. Noticing.

That is what we all want, right? Not just children - all of us.

We want others to notice when we are doing something good. We want others to appreciate what we do for them. We want others to NOTICE.

My almost 9 year old daughter has pointed out my lack of doing this on many occasions. Although I don't intend to do it, I point out what is wrong, what isn't positive, what isn't "perfect." She will often say to me, "Mom, it doesn't have to be perrffeecct." Although I like order and like things to get done "correctly", I really don't consider myself a perfectionist. My family, friends, and co-workers might disagree with that, but really I don't. I think the problem is my noticing. I notice what is wrong; not what is right. I am in need of an adjustment; a correction. I need to notice what is right. What do you notice?

Today's prompt was Beyond the Chill; looking for the magic beyond the icicles and snow. It was 18 degrees out and we are under a blanket of fresh snow, so I was not optimistic. There was no way I was going to find anything. But I did.

I noticed.

I found something I have never noticed before and it wasn't hard. I just looked and noticed. It was right in front of me; a tiny bouquet of golden flowers on a tree that was otherwise barren. What else am I missing by not noticing?

Heart Warming

When something is heart warming, do you stop and completely revile in the moment? Do you notice and get the warm fuzzy for a minute and then move on or do you experience the moment? I generally feel the warm fuzzy and then move on, because who has time to stop? There are things that need to be done. Well, I am trying to stop being on the move. I am trying to be in the moment. I am trying to experience the warm fuzzy.


Today's prompt for Picture Winter is Warm Your Heart. I had my two youngest children and we were walking in a parking lot. I thought the large piece of "stuff" on the ground was hail. Low and behold, it was rock salt (I was tired and rushing, remember). Anyway, in an effort to examine "the hail" we found a heart shaped piece of rock salt. Of course the first thing I did was grab my phone to snap some pictures. So, I was partly experiencing the moment, but I wasn't paying attention. I was snapping the picture in my son's hand and my daughter wanted me to take a picture of it in her hand. We were getting in the car and I heard a little sigh. I looked and realized what I had done. I ruined the moment for her, by not being in the moment. I was focused on getting the picture taken and moving on to our next errand. I wasn't in the moment. Had I been, I would have noticed and given her the warm fuzzy.

Cracking Through

This is day 6 of Picture Winter and although I have put thought into my photos, they really have just happened. I didn't take pictures of different things and then chose. I didn't change my mind or think I should have shot something else. I was drawn to what I was taking a photo of without setting the stage.

I have always loved the way the sun comes through the clouds or through the trees. I was getting ready to take my puppy for a walk and trying to entice my 6 year old to go with me when I looked out and saw the sun setting, yet still shining through the trees.

It was such a beautiful scene; a scene that happens probably every day. Still, I don't take the time to enjoy it; to stop for one minute and look at the beauty.

I love how this class is forcing me to do what I have been saying I needed right along. I need to appreciate. I need to notice. I need to force myself to be in the moment instead of planning the next moment.