Wednesday, March 30, 2011

OLW Blog Hop- What Happened to Action?

In my last post I said I was going to post daily.  My goal was to highlight something that happened each day that brought me joy.  What happened? Why didn't I do it?  I don't know.  I always have great intentions. 

But are my intentions too big?  Do they paralyze me?  Isn't something better than nothing?

I am the type of person who wants to get from point A to point Z without any detours.  I want the end result.  I want the outcome without the journey.  I know this about myself.  I know this is my stumbling block.  Yet, I don't know how to change it.

Actually.  I do.

I know that I should create small goals.

I know that I should do something, rather than nothing.

I know that only I can change this.

So, although I made my nice pretty pages for the month of March and wrote down my actions steps, I didn't follow through.  Yes, we celebrated birthdays, but that isn't anything out of the ordinary.  No,  we never had family night.  I can make excuses and remember why it didn't actually happen, but they are just excuses.

This blog started as a way to "notice" the small things that brought me joy.  Yet, I find myself writing about the things that bother me.  The things that don't bring me joy.  You should see the list of "drafts" under my posts.  They are often raw with emotion and thought, but I don't post them.  Posting them would make them even more real and I don't want them to be my reality anymore.

Hop along to
Jan at and read about her journey this month.

If you get lost along the hop, feel free to stop back here and find your way! 

Monica B2
Cheri A
Karen D
Julie Ann

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Work in Progress

How do they do it?

How do they feel so much happiness?  Contentment?  Grace?

What is their secret and why won't they share it?

I don't want to be a work in progress anymore.  I want to know the secret.

Is it all a facade?  Do some people just hide it better?  Or do they truly feel pure happiness?  Contentment?  Grace?

I am struggling with my One Little Word.  I am struggling to see all the joy when things just seem so difficult.  March is supposed to be the month of action, but I can't seem to get out of my way.  And this isn't the first time in the last few years that I have felt this way.  In my own way!  Stuck.  So what I am going to try to do for the remainder of the month is post daily.  I am going post something positive that happened that day.  The post may be very short or very long.  I need action.  I need to find the secret and feel pure happiness. Contentment.  Grace.  I am going to find my "undiscovered joy."

I will get out of my own way and make a change.

Do you ever feel stuck?  What do you do to get unstuck?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Where Does Time Go?


My Girl Child turned 9 over the weekend.  Nine!  Nine years have past since her birth and I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember how tiny she was in comparison to her older brother.  I remember all the pink.  I remember seeing her beautiful face for the first time.

Now I see an independent girl who wants to pick out her clothes, do her own hair, and make her own decisions.  I see a girl who still loves her dolls and wonder how long that will last.  I see a girl who knows what she wants and knows what she likes.  No question.  I see a girl who is struggling with being a little girl child.  She wants to grow up and I want to stop it.  She wants to go to the American Girl store and then wander into the mall for the “grown up” things – makeup (only lip gloss is allowed), clothes, and other accessories.  Then a stop at Brookstones for a massage in the chairs.

I want it to stop.  I want to freeze time.  I want to go back in time.  I want her to always be my little girl.

Monday, March 7, 2011



This morning I was looking at my One Little Word project and was reading the thesaurus for my word.  As you know, my word is Joy. 

Still, did you know that one of it’s synonyms is diversion? 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I am terrible at diversion.  I focus.  I focus to the extent that I get tunnel vision and can’t see clearly.  I hone in on things for far too long.

I always admired the parents that used diversion to get their kids to stop having a tantrum or to do what they wanted.  I never did it well.  I always point out what they are doing wrong and talk about it with the hope that it won’t happen again.


And 9 out of 10 times whatever I want them to stop doing isn’t a big deal until they won’t stop.  They have tunnel vision.  They are focused on what they are doing.

I just find it so interesting that diversion is an synonym for joy.  But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.  If I used diversion for myself and for my kids, we would have a lot more joy.  I wouldn’t always be focusing on what needs to change, because focusing on it isn’t necessarily changing it.  In fact quit the opposite; it is probably happening more. 

An occasional diversion might be exactly what we need to bring more joy.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Spending Time with Big Boy Child

Today I asked my big boy child to go on a winter hike with me.  Just him and me.  He didn't really want to go, but said, "I'll go, if you want me to."  He is 11, so I k005now that this response is short lived.
We pulled into the parking lot and discovered lots of water and mud.  Of course big boy child couldn't resist and jumped in the first puddle and was more excited when I told him to do it again so that I could capture it!  MUD!
Even though we had fun and enjoyed each other's company, it was a quiet hike.  He has a lot on his mind and is contemplating things. He didn't tell me this, I can just see it in his eyes; in his expressions; in his mood. 
Big boy child is very sensitive.
He is a hockey player and all boy, but a lot of people think he is thick skinned and he is not.  He wears his emotion on his sleeve.  He takes everything personally.  He feels like I have never seen anyone feel. 
We stim thinkingtopped to take a rest and he was making snowballs and throwing them up in the air.  He was watching them fall.  He wasn’t smiling.  He wasn’t laughing.  He was just thinking.  Looking at this picture actually brings tears to my eyes, because with the enormous amount of contemplation comes stress.  Big boy child puts a lot of pressure on himself, which causes this “Little” boy child to sometimes get out of control.  When you feel to the extent that he feels, it goes both ways. 
So, we continued on and he talked when he wanted and was silent when he wanted.  He stopped when he wanted and contemplated and hiked along when he wanted.  I think big boy child needed this hike more than I did.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Complete Joy

There is nothing worse than things that are left undone.

Not finished.


It is like having something hanging over you all the time.

As I age, I realize that sometimes there just isn't enough time in the day.  I will eventually get to some of the things on my "To Do List."  They will get done.

About 2 months ago, I bought a wireless adapter for my desktop PC.  I don't like wires!  I wish I could make everything wireless (there I go again with my "To Do list"; actually that is a "Wish List.")  Well the adapter was not working, which isn't surprising because my desktop is ancient!

Well today was the day I decided to get this done - call Belkin and find out what the problem is.  As usual, their customer service was fabulous.  They solved my problem again.  YEAH for wireless.

As I was putting everything back in place, I realized that in addition to solving the wireless problem, I came up with a clever idea for my wires connected to the wireless.  I had my little boy child retrieve a antique suitcase that has been sitting in my bedroom for 2 years waiting for a purpose.  Yes 2 years!  I love the little brown suitcase.  So, I am going to make it a home for my wires.  I will post pictures when the project is finished. 

Oh , wait!  It might be a few months or years before I get to it!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

OLW Blog Hop

YEAH!  My first blog hop!!  I am SO EXCITED!

I joined One Little Word on a whim. I missed the Picture Winter workshop community so much that I needed more.  Little did I know what I was missing!  I came across Big Picture Classes a few years ago.  I would check out their site and check out their classes, but would never sign up.  I don't even know what brought me back again, but I am so glad I did.

For the month of February we were tasked with cultivating our word and bringing it into our life.  I will say that I struggled a little.  Not because I couldn't bring joy into my life, but because I know what brings me joy.  I know what makes me happy.  I do.  I really do.  I just don't celebrate it.  I don't feel it in the deepest part of my heart.  I know it.  I just don't feel it. 

I am looking forward to continuing this journey.  I look forward to changing the way I experience things.  I want to feel the joy and share it.  When I became a mother, my wish was for my children to smile easy and to be enthusiastic about life.  How will they do that if I don't model it for them?  Don't get me wrong, we have fun.  We do things as a family.  We enjoy each other.  I just don't get overly enthusiastic and I wish I did.  Not overly - just enthusiastic.

So, this year I will work on it.  I will try to smile easy so that my kids will.  I will try to be enthusiastic, because there are so many things to be enthusiastic about.  I can't wait for this life changing year.  I can't.

Now you should "hop" on over to Beth's blog at and check out her post for the blog hop.  Have fun!  If you get lost you can come back here and go right down the list below.

I hope you check back here again sometime and leave a comment, if you have a minute!

1.    Margie                
2.    Monica B                    
3.    Jill              
4.    Miranda       
5.    Donna              
6.    Lynn                                           
7.    Stacey              
8.    Lisa                          
9.    Cassie              
10. Abbey                          
11. Nicky                          
12. Holly                          
13. Karen                          
14. Claudia              
15. Rebekah              
16. Kimberly              
17. Kat                          
18. Kristina              
19. Jan                          
20. Nikki                          
21. Amanda              
22. Lisa                          
23. Sam                          
24. Maureen              
25. Kristi                            
26. Tere                          
27. Karen                          
28. Katrina                
29. Monica Bergler  
30. Mandy              
31. Lisa                          
32. Chrissy              
33. Lee                           
34. Jen                          
35. Sylvia                          
36. Christianne              
37. Cheri                          
38.  Joy                          
39.  Beth                          
40.  Jennifer L              
41.  Kathryn              
42.  Heather              
43.  Cindy                              
44. Cynthiau